I'm still here.

I hope none of the four of you that read this assumed that I gave up on this project, because I haven't. I simply... fell off the horse. The parading, calorie-restricting, grinning horse.

I'm still trying, don't get me wrong, but there's at least one moment every day when I'm prepared to give up and be fat for the rest of my life. I know how much of a coward that makes me out to be, but society is in the middle of a revolution when it comes to fat people; there's still only really cute clothes for thin girls, but now suddenly "big girls deserve love too!"

Another thing is that I've found that there are actually men who don't mind, and even prefer somebody with my body type. I know, right? It's crazy. It's completely unfathomable to me some days, having grown up believing that I was ugly, undesirable, and undeserving of companionship until I lost weight. But those guys exist! I've met some! (And only one of them was black!)

So basically what I'm saying is that if I did decide to leave things as is, I could probably make it in life almost entirely unscathed. Yes, I'd still have to shop at Northern Reflections (love dem sweaters) and no, my perfect waist wouldn't be the attention-grabber of most men, but I could definitely survive.

Unfortunately, however,  I have the desire to thrive. Ugh.

I haven't lost any weight in the last 3 months, but I haven't gained any either, so I'm okay. But I have been thinking about how nice it would be to look moderately attractive in shorts this summer, so I need to kick it up a notch.

Plan: This week I'm writing down everything I eat. I'm not setting caloric intake goals, I'm simply trying to get an idea of why I'm still fat. Yesterday, it was the KD, and today it was definitely the Starbucks cookie. See? It's working! Once I really know what's going on, making some little adjustments will be the next step. Little adjustments is the goal and I say that because drastic measures have only led to regaining any lost weight in the past. If there's something I would like to avoid at all costs, it is gaining back tons of weight after I've lost it. I've experienced that before and it was easily the worst form of humiliation I've ever felt.

So, there it is. I'll update again soon. And if I don't, you can just assume I'm trudging along on my horse.